Employee Vices (By Generation)

I retired in the year 1990. But based on my observations, these are things to consider about an employee’s age when hiring them. I have categorized each type by its generational affiliation.

Baby Boom Generation

Born: 1942-1961

Weaknesses: Incompetent with numbers, lazy with accountability and they’ll never retire.

Details: They introduced business-casual attire to the workplace and killed the informal suit and tie. They created today’s lazy electronic mail culture, along with the 24-hour access to mobile phone and electronic mail. They have allowed many employees to work from home. All of this has actually slowed productivity rather than increased it. They love long and pointless meetings that solve nothing. They have cut quality, cut pensions and cut benefits in order to increase profits which infuriated employees and consumers. Boomers have a way of breaking everything they touch. Almost all are divorced, or at least on their second marriage, and are up to their eyes in personal debt. They spoiled their children. Their greatest vice is in their reluctance to ever get to the bottom of anything.

Generation X

Born: 1962-1981

Weaknesses: Each one will one day betray the company after a few years of dutiful service

Details: They have one goal and that’s to make all of the money they can before “The Big One” comes. In my day, The Big One was a euphemism for nuclear war. Today it refers to an economic crisis. Generation Xers differ from Baby Boomers in that they are willing to give The Game away after leaving the company. This must be some sort of release for them after years of compromising their non-corporatist philosophies for money. Knowing they will receive no retirement, they regularly jump companies and share company secrets for higher pay and better position. They’re all alcoholics. As parents they are overly-controlling. They enjoy big houses and they all want a boat. They are self-hating consumers who dream of a small-business utopia, which they lacked the guts to start.

Millennial Generation

Born: 1982-2001

Weaknesses: Absolute refusal to do any manual labor or to start “low” in any other way

Details: They’re all over-educated and in debt. Most live with their parents. They play on their computer devices all day. If given a proper job, they probably wouldn’t even know what to do with it. Convinced of their own genius, they never stop spouting off their unsolicited ideas to their superiors. They use the workplace as a money generator that allows them to pursue their curious creative outlets as writers, artists or inventors. They like to “play” at being adults by dressing up and enjoying vintage settings. They hate children, because they are often forced to compete against them in electronics or card games. Whatever remained of the blue-collar tradesmen class was at last crushed by this generation that would rather exploit itself publicly than learn to repair an air conditioner.